You are Using Somebody's Months to Boost your Ego??

Hey girl, it's been ages and I’ve missed sending you mails. I wonder what even made me stop cos I have a whole folder full of half written gists I have kept for you but just felt too lazy to edit and send (ohhhh its laziness… thats why)

Before I go into today’s gist, how have you been? Please don’t respond with that generic ‘fine’ you’ve been saying since you could speak. 

How have you been, genuinely? 

2025 has been some butt kicking, mind bugling, and overall stressful year. I don’t know if it is that everybody is getting older and dealing with  big girl problems or that it’s the end time so life is overall harder  or whatever the hell it has been but girl, it’s been quite a year.

I’ve heard the saddest stories this year and it’s been a crying parade here and there.

These days, even social media is not helping the matter again…

So please,how are you?

Have you been drinking water, how is your heart, have you had the chance to cry? Are you giving yourself grace and are you allowing yourself to feel the emotions?

See, let me tell you ehn, one of the most freeing things I have learned in my adult life has been to allow yourself to feel the feels–whether it’s pain, joy, confusion, or whatever it is. 

I don’t know if your feelings are valid or not o but I know that ignoring them or acting like they're not there could drive you crazy. 

So cry when you want to, laugh out loud when it’s funny, sleep when it becomes too overwhelming and just try as much as possible to allow yourself to feel things.

I promise you, it’s not crazy that you are laughing this minute and the next you're crying. What’s crazy is that you are pretending to be a robot when you are not one.

Oh! And one more thing: now more than ever before, please make sure you are keeping friends, genuine ones that can be there with you and for you. It’s 2025, babe, don’t be doing life on your own abeg, it’s too much.

Call the people you love too, it really boosts your mental health.

…

Now to the gist

I heard (actually, I read) that women collect the number of men they reject and the number of men pursuing them as victory badges. Asin, the way some men gloat over the number of women they’ve slept with, women boast with the number of men on their matter and the lengths they’ve had to put these men through. 

Jesus!

You are telling me that some girls just use the attention that men give them as an ego boost? I know that this isn’t supposed to be a big deal or a shock but please is this normal? Or am I overreacting?

This article talked about how some women, from their initial conversation with a man, already know that they are completely uninterested in this man but will entertain him long enough to let him down sometimes slowly, sometimes brutally. 

Young girls discuss within themselves the things they have had to do to men and the funny way they have had to reject men, while older ladies discuss the amount of men in their DM.

It says and I loosely quote “male attention is has become an ego booster among women of this age”

Jesus!

, I know that you’re not like that and this may possibly be a ridiculous conversation too but you need to understand that there is possibly one girl you know or will meet one day that thinks like this and they need to be stopped.

Imagine there's this man you genuinely like and you are investing your time and sometimes money in and all that man sees in you is another vagina to conquer. He goes ahead to conquer this vagina and boom, you become one of his statistics, something he can now talk about among his ‘guys’,  nothing more. You see how annoying and highly disrespectful that is? That’s almost the same thing with when you lead a man on, put him through stress just so that you can tell your babes ‘that guy is dating the other girl because I rejected him’

I know I am not necessarily the biggest fan of men but please let us remember that they’re somebody’s 9 months, not a lab experiment. The same way we detest their stupid actions and disrespect towards women should be the same way we avoid doing like them.

It’s never a competition, nobody cares which gender is worse towards the other than the other.

If it is an esteem issue, sit with yourself and devise a way to deal with it, maybe read books, watch videos, go to therapy, have good friends, pray or whatever, honestly. Just don't use someone else’s 9 months to boost your ego.

You hear?

Of course I am aware that there are some men that take ‘I’m not interested’ as a suggestion. I am not talking about them. I am simply saying the number of men in your DMs, the number of calls you receive daily and the kind of things men are willing to do for you shouldn’t be a reflection of how special you think you are. You are the HER, with or without male attention and you don’t need people pestering you like Lagos mosquitoes to prove that.

Release the men!

Anyways, that's it for today. 

Please take good care of yourself, drink water, and call the people you love.

See you another Saturday.

… and reply meeeeee

Love, Alice.