Stop Catching Feelings For Your Homies

Disclaimer: When I was writing this mail, I didn’t stop to take water, check my phone or change my sitting position. Those are telltale signs that I wrote completely from my heart. So please, if you feel like I was too biased with my opinion, or you feel a little attacked, give me grace.

Thank you!

There’s this argument on the internet that will never end; it's that argument about friendship between opposite genders. Most people believe that men and women cannot be just friends. They believe there will be some form of attraction between both parties. I have actually watched a social experiment where both genders were asked the same question and of course, the answers were not the same.

While I am on the side of the people that strongly believe a boy and a girl can be platonic friends, I will not make this email about it. I think if you look at it from everybody’s experience, they have a point. I believe what I do because of the values and experiences that I have, same goes for everyone else

However, there’s a personal opinion I want to share.

I hate the “friends to lovers” love story. Ohhh I hate it so much.

Wait, I don't completely hate the concept, I just hate it when there was one person in the equation that was always in love with the other, and they just had to wait.

If you both were sincerely just friends and the moon shifted, the sun stopped, all the stars realigned and out of nowhere you both realize you belong together, no issue at all. I think it’s kinda cute. 

But when you and this man have been friends for 10 years and your heart has always been beating for him and you allowed yourself stay friends with him, nursed him when other girls broke his heart, stalked his crushes with him, gave him those your silly half-hearted relationship advice, talked about what he wants in his “ideal woman” with him and somewhere in your heart of hearts, you hoped that one day he will realize that what he's looking for has been here the whole time, (*cues Taylor swift’s song: “You belong with me”) I am judging you. 

Because, why?  Why do you choose to suffer? Why would you allow yourself to wait around? 

Don’t you see how it messes with your self esteem? Don’t you see how you are now busy comparing yourself to other women? Like why would you want to be in this position, my darling

Don’t you see how this makes you an enemy of progress? Haven't you realized that you tend to always wish things don’t work out between your “friend” and his woman, and even when things are looking up with him and his love life, you begin to struggle with jealousy?

I am not going to sit here and act like I have never been in this situation. Maybe we have all been that girl that hopes one day he realizes that he belongs with us. In fact, there was a time when Taylor Swift’s “you belong with me” was one of my favorite songs and of course I had someone in mind when I played the song. (I literally just went to put the song on as I continue writing 😂😂)... 

But I was quick to learn that I don’t ever want to be the available one, the plan B.  I know that love stories aren’t always black and white but one thing I know is that I will not be that girl who waits around to be eventually selected. Tufiakwa!! 

So if somehow, you have found yourself in this situation, here’s what’s what I suggest you do:

If you are bold enough, wear your big girl pants and have a discussion about how you feel with the guy. I hear that sometimes, people are genuinely oblivious to the obvious and may need a little nudge to open their eyes.

Or or or… just move the heck on! 

Being a hater doesn't look good on you, sis. Comparing yourself to the kind of girls he likes also doesn't look good on you and finally, waiting around for whatever stroke of luck you think you will get doesn’t also look good on you.

In fact, maybe, just maybe when you move on and bring down that man from that throne you placed him in your heart, you will begin to see how regular he is and he too will realize how much he wants to have you in his life. 

Many years ago, a woman I strongly respect told me “when a girl likes a boy, it’s hard for her to hide it from him, and if he keeps acting like he doesn’t realize it, she should stop liking him”. And most recently, one of my sisters in law told me “a man can tell that you like him, if he chooses to act ignorant, it’s because he doesn’t see you that way” (both quotes have been paraphrased for readability)

I believe when it comes to the matters of the heart, men do a better job with covering up. They tend to know how to compartmentalize and it helps them hide an obvious feeling very well… but even at that, you too you know that sometimes your instincts pick up subtle clues. 

If masters of camouflage can’t always hide their feelings so well, what makes you think you, a person that has the natural tendency to wear her heart on her sleeves, are not being obvious?

Love is a beautiful thing and it’s more beautiful when it is mutual. 

Stop catching feelings for your homies, go to where you’re wanted.

Here’s something: Maybe the guy you have been turning down or the DM you have actively ignored will even treat you better than this your friend ever can. 

Orrrr

If you stop thinking, hoping and praying that one day your friend will like you back, and open your heart to people outside, a good one will finally find you.

Anywayssss 

Please take care of yourself. 

Talk soon.

Love always, 

Alice.

Oh and if you ever feel like writing me back, don’t hold back, hit the reply button. I love reading your replies.