If you need help, ask

Hey girl,

It’s been a hot minute. How have you been and what's been going on?

Is it just me that has weird emotional ups and downs when I'm about to see my period? Like, it’s either of two extremes: you lose the will to live and just wallow in sadness or you are too excited about life and it feels like you are walking on sunshine. There’s got to be an acceptable explanation and possible solution to this phenomenon. 

Yea, that's what's been up.

So last week I went out and on my way back, it started to rain. Of course it’s the rainy season so I can’t really complain. I was going home on public transport, Keke to be precise and of course, I felt the drizzles on my skin.. I was approaching the junction to my house and I realized there was no way I would find a bike under this rain and by that time of the night. The walk to my house from the junction is roughly 10 minutes when you walk fast. What that meant was that I would have to walk under the rain for at least 10 minutes before I got home. Ah! If you know me you’d know I am salt, I am not designed to be beaten by rain at all. Kai I was already brainstorming and thinking of all the possible options. How long would it take me to book bolt this night abeg??… sha in the midst of this plenty of brainstorming, I had it in the back of my head that there were 2 cars and a driver at home and I was sure that he would be home by this time. I wanted to call him but wouldn’t that mean I'm disturbing him? Okay what if my brother says no? Kai, how would they respond if I ask? I was busy thinking about all these things and small small rain was touching me inside keke o. Sha I finally called and guess who was turned down and told to manage and walk home since the rain is no more as heavy as it was before? Well, not me. The driver was there in roughly 5 minutes and I was driven home.

See ehn, there is this nonsense “strong woman” persona the world has sold to us and they are almost forcing us to buy it. You hear things like “A woman that can run things on her own, that's my dream woman” taaaa go and sit down.  

For the longest, I was conditioned to think that being able to do everything that I want to do by myself was a big flex and I used to flaunt it. Ah! I can draw gen, i can change the socket, when something goes bad, i know exactly what it is and i can try to fix it. Heck, I used to sit with artisans when they came to work in the house. No, I wasn't only there to supervise, I was also there to learn a thing or two so that next time it goes bad, I will do exactly what they did. I know you’d think oh of course, these are life skills and you should be proud you can do them…

How you do one thing will show in how you do other things.

So, generally, I don't ask for help. I could be broke and dying of hunger and my next door neighbor is spraying money everyday. If they don’t BEG me to accept the money, I will neither ask nor accept when they offer. I always felt like needing help or expressing your cluelessness was a weakness I didn't want to ever be associated with. When people call me a strong woman, it makes me happy.

I can do bad all by myself was my biggest flex😂🤣

I didn't know any better. 

It is in this my big age that I'm learning that you are not designed to only give help, God expects you not  just to receive help but to ask for it. It’s been a very hard culture shock, realizing that women that have people that do everything for them are not lazy or weak, they are just feminine and it’s very normal. Now, I am trying my best to have people do things for me and I'm learning to realize I am designed for a soft life too.

Sometimes ehn, if I'm being honest, the reason I don't ask for help is that I don't ever like to feel like a burden in this life. Can you relate?

I had this friend that everytime I had him drive me to run an errand, I'd keep apologizing for stressing him and I'd sing my thank yous till it became annoying. I remember one day, i had an emergency and he helped me out and as we drove back, i told him I was sorry for putting him through this much stress. He stopped his car and told me “Alice, don’t you ever again, feel like you are a burden to me, I gain more from you in this friendship than you even do” chai, I for cry that day o but tough girls don’t cry😂😁

If you don’t  mind bearing people’s burden with them, it is only right that you give them an opportunity to also share in yours. Of course I know you will surely meet people that would indeed make you feel like a weakling or that you are stressing them but just as it is with everything else, not everybody is the same and it will be unfair to judge people alike.

learning and unlearning is very hard, especially when we have spent a better part of our lives thinking what we knew or were used to was ideal. There will be days where, like me, you will stutter when asking for help, there will also be days when you would rather die than ask for help but I just want you to know that you SHOULD ask for help and allow yourself to be helped.

I’ll just stop here.

Till next time, take care of yourself and when you can’t, please call for help.

I love you

Text me back?

Love, Alice.